That’s what your mom said, but instead of “the Cubs” it was your name and instead of “win it” it was “finds out we’re fucking.”

The fan base most obsessed with the Cubs is Sox fans. Panties constantly in a twist, while the Sox play to an audience of seagulls.

Or you could practice being better at soccer so people dont embarrass you so much.

Browns fans wake up from three days of football-induced depression and think:

The house arrest that he is currently under seems reasonable. At least we know he’s securely confined to his home with the mandated ankle monitors.

John 6:55

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

I don’t know. They may have a point. Those cups don’t look anything like the ones Jesus drank his Gingerbread Lattes out of.

Just watched it. Pretty decent film. Already on blu ray and streaming ... not as great as Cabin in the Woods, but I liked the 2nd act’s survival quest enough to where I too was laughing at this shitty review.

The last movie that frightened me in an original and fresh way was The Descent way back in 2006. I’ve enjoyed movies since, like The Conjuring, The Babadook and It Follows but those films have had a mission of being homages of earlier horror.

Every pretentious twentythirtysomething critic thinks that writing lambasting a story about a guy writing a story—and “elevating” a genre by pointing out its clichés—is a stroke of genius

Actually, “Scream” (and its sequels) are nothing more than glorified Scooby Doo episodes. “Let’s see who the killer REALLY is!”

Can’t. I take commenting on bloviating movie reviews very seriously.

This. And furthermore the whole premise of his rant is ineffectual and shrill. Those movies cited weren’t parodies necessarily. Student Bodies is a parody. Those were homages (Cabin) or straight fucking comedies (Tucker and Dale). He might as well say Peter Seller’s Casino Royale ruined the spy thriller. Or piranha 3d…

A lot of people I know have critiqued “A Cabin in the Woods” for similar issues but I never thought of it as snarky or smarmy. To me it was very much a love letter to the genre but also a call for horror movies to step up their game. It wasn’t so much a “this genre is corny and dumb” as “do better than a cabin in the…

Oh my god this. I made it 3 paragraphs in and scrolled down before I realized it was another 10 before he even mentioned the movie being reviewed. This review was dog shit. Be ashamed author.

I can’t even remember the last time a movie scared me... Hellraiser did, but that might have been the acid. Probably a poor decision on my behalf.

Counterpoint: Torture porn is the nadir of real horror. There are actually good meta-horror movies (ie. Evil Dead 2, Cabin in the Woods). There are no good Saws/Hostels/Human Centipedes.

I don’t know if they’re “real horror” or whatever and I don’t care, but “Shaun of the Dead” is an awesome movie, “The Cabin in the Woods” is an awesome movie, “The Babadook” is an awesome movie, “You’re Next” is an awesome movie, and although I haven’t seen either, I’m sure I’ll like “It Follows” and “The Final Girls.”