Ha, my dad is a pilot. I’ve noticed that his profession never ceases to impress other men, and only men. Dudes love my dad, they think he’s so cool (he’s not that cool). Women are like Eh. But he has a serious fan club on the street where my parents live, and the men come snappin’ and never cease to breathlessly ask…

Serious question: are these young guys who have come to college with the intent to rape? Are they like, “Finally, I’ll get a chance to force myself on unwilling victims.” Are they high school psychopaths laying in wait for the freedom of college?? Or do they.show up relatively ‘innocent’ and learn this behavior from…

Well Robin was totally married, so people frowned on that... Drake is snot married?

Reading Addy at age seven broke my little heart, but I’m glad it did. Totally excited for Melody!

Is there no clause in her contract that is like, “Contract becomes void if one party rapes the other party”? Maybe we should start putting that at the beginning of literally every contract.

Apostle Paul is the “Pablo” referenced in the new album name

Bill never forgets a bitch

so glad he wore his best rope bracelet for the verdict

Call me, Maybe?

“Just a pretty THIRSTY face”

My mom always says that men don’t know what women weigh because women never tell the truth about what they weigh. So whenever I tell men what I weigh for real they’re like OMG WHAT NO WAY. It’s like, Nah Dawg, this is what real humans weigh.

New Zealand? Not Australian?

Does TMZ really use “2" instead of “two” ?? Yikes...

Took two Bikram yoga classes. The second one, the teacher touched me multiple times and then asked me out after class. Never went back. Guess they learn it at Bikram school.

I believe this

30 Rock

Oh my god, that’s wonderful. I’m going there for a wedding this summer (possibly Cleveland, i can never remember). Maybe i should stop planning what i’m going to wear and plan what i’m NOT going to wear.

What?? What city?

?

Oh... and then he said “young ladies”