If you are actually calling it “fizzy drink,” you are the silliest human beings on the planet.

Fuck IPA fever. I am so sick of wasting ten minutes per table explaining our vanilla espresso IPA, our 36,000,000-minute IPA, our Antidisestablishmentarianism IPA. Go hump a barrel of hops and GTFO of my face.

The server’s response was perfect. “That would be a puddle of cheese.”

“So, your table stopped me and asked what kind of fish they had was because they thought you were lying to them; I told them it was cod and they asked why we didn’t have real fish.”

I’ve been in places like this and honestly, every time it’s been as miserable as you described.

I worked at McDonalds long ago... I had several customers who would conclude their drive-thru orders with “that’s to go” — like they would if they were inside. It’s kinda irritating, because — am I going to expect them to eat it in the drive-thru lane or something...

One day, I’d kind of had it — I hear the “that’s to…

Dear contributors to today’s BCO, I’d like you all to know that you’re the wind beneath my wings, & an inspiration to us all. I promise to skewer a troll in honour of each & every one of you.

Good lord you were a much smarter 14 year old than I am a current 39 year old.

We need a mandatory high school class in workers rights in this country. Like the year that you’re eligible to work you attend a class where they talk about minimum wage, hourly pay and wage theft, sexual harassment, workplace injuries and your rights in regards to them, and all the other crap that can happen on the…

“when the boss is drunk, don’t hold the cheese.”

It really does. There have been a couple of stories in Behind Closed Ovens about it. The height of arrogance.

That’s a great-looking fucking burger even with tomatoes.

I saw Babylon AD in a mostly-empty theater with a friend. That movie was so bad that literally the entire theater started going MST3K on it (still the only time I’ve experienced that). As a result, a terrible movie turned into something joyous.

In my experience, people who are really fucking high tend to lack the motivation to pull off something like that. Hell, they lack the motivation to look for the TV remote and will happily stare at late night infomercials for hours. ;-)

In all seriousness? If Comedy Central picked up BCO for a sketch comedy show formatted exactly like Drunk History, in that they pick a central narrator for each tale and real household-name actors dramatize the story and lipsync the dialog... I WOULD WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT.

Food, and shelter are pretty high up on the list of things “in this world that you need so badly to have to put up with this treatment from people”

The truly American thing would be to charge for ketchup but give your richer customers loopholes to pay much less for it.