I saw one of these movies, no idea which one it was. It was hideous, boring, made no sense, and literally the only thing I can recall about it is that it Optimus Prime utters the line "Put the cube in my chest" at what I guess is a climactic moment. I'm very surprised to learn that this is only the fifth one, it seems…

Oh man, the Genesis was not a great system overall—it's crazy in retrospect how many of my elementary school classmates obsessed over it while decrying the wildly superior SNES as being "for kids" (we were kids!)—but for my money it had the best sound of any system in the era before genuine sonic fidelity. I'm not a…

Shining Force 1 and 2 would be perfect for this. I think I remember Kid Chameleon being pretty good but I can't imagine how you would actually play it.

I was thinking the same thing and trying to think of games that might actually work in this format. Space Harrier would be a good one. Or like, Panzer Dragoon or something (I know that's a Saturn title, but whatever).

Phantasy Star 2 might work, but anything that requires any degree of technical finesse does not seem like a good fit for this platform. When I read the headline I got excited that I might get to play Landstalker again some day, but I don't want to play it on a goddamn phone.

Also: Emily Dickinson? Frida Kahlo? Jane Austen? Marie Curie? Maya Angelou? Mary Wollstonecraft? Jane Goodall? That's seven seasons right off the top of my head, and all of those women have pretty interesting stories. Obviously it's fine to do Picasso for a show about geniuses, but don't act like you picked him…

I don't understand why these people come out with these half-assed excuses whenever charges of sexism pop up. It would be so easy to just say, "Look, we brainstormed a lot of ideas for season 2 and for a variety of reasons Picasso is the one we went with. Nothing against the idea of a woman genius, we will definitely…

Will we ever get a Batman movie that emphasizes the character's role as a detective, the way the animated series did? I want a mystery-themed Batman flick where he is actually solving crimes. Maybe you have a few of the main villains in the movie and Batman has to figure out what evil plan is at work and who's behind…

Polterguy was a really unique game! I'm sure it had some flaws that I've smoothed out in my memory, but I recall it being one of the better Genesis games just for being so unlike anything else. Wish someone would bring it back in some form.

For real, why does De Niro suck now? Would it be so hard for this guy to get cast in a good movie where he can bring the gravitas of a seasoned veteran? At one point he obviously cared deeply about his craft—Travis Bickle and Jake LaMotta are not characters you just phone in—and then he just kind of stopped giving a…

Jose Jalapeno is himself an accomplished ventriloquist. His act includes several smaller and even more racist puppets than himself.

"Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here."
"He fixes the union?"
"Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey."

Danny Day-Lewises is my shiiiiiiiit! *explodes*

And on the flipside, I've been tapped to play a role in some dumbass murder mystery dinner theater thing for a bunch of old ladies or something. So my acting career is just beginning!

Trust me, it will be clearly ironic by the time the movie gets made.

Tired of Winning

"Undemocratic" is actually just a few songwriting tweaks away from being a pretty good song. Keep the intro riff, write some decent lyrics, dial back the Quiet Riot shit and go for more of a Big Star vibe and I think you're there.

"You just don't get it, do you?"

Black Phillip is my shiiiiiiiiit! The moment Black Phillip was introduced, I blurted out, "FUCK YES, fuckin' Black Phillip!" Every scene with Black Phillip is great. Every scene without him, I start wondering what Black Phillip is up to. Most egregious Best Supporting Actor snub in Oscar history. Would definitely…

Tangentially related: why did I waste so many hours of my childhood watching Home Improvement? I mean, it wasn't terrible, but it was pretty mediocre in proportion to the amount of time I gave it, and I remember actively disliking aspects of it. Why did I watch like five hundred episodes?