This is what happens when you let him eat penalty flags.

hot atheist takes on the internet?! well i never

“I can’t believe this payer got heat up for wearing the Gronk color of hurt!” - Emmitt Smith

This is the best usage of this meme to date.

IT LIVES

If you don’t hold him down real good, he could steal the cop’s identities! And then who’d be tackling who?!

My headset cutout each time you said shit.

“Supernatural Superserious.”

beautiful, +1

This is the dog of the year.

“9. Dude, your Google picture looks like you just finished drinking a twelve pack and threw on a Viking helmet in your high school bedroom but you also look a bit like you have a retardation issue. But maybe that’s just the beer seeping out of the picture. But your writing leads me to believe you are retarded. Your…

WHY THE FUCK IS NO ONE MENTIONING NO MERCY

I need more than $2500 a night, man.

I used to fuck guys like you in prison.

There’s our winner.

Most of these are insane (ROSE PETALS sounds like it’s from some horrible erotica), but it is horseshit for the mall food court to not have someone dry off the trays before they’re put out. Author of the story’s not in the wrong, the schmuck in that story who was like ‘eh, let the fuckers dry their own trays off’ in…

If no trade happens and DeMarcus outright Sprewells Karl, what’s the collective Deadspin Hot Take gonna be?

eat the eggs smash mouth

WITH GOD AS MY WITNESS SHE’S BROKEN IN HALF