"sounds like a good old fashioned lawsuit but instead you could 1v1 me on call of duty right now" - york 51_

"Rhesus, the guy who plays the Indelible Skulk is caramel at apogee football." - Emmitt Smith

I wonder if he actually had fun during this.

Yeah, that's the problem. I don't know why you wouldn't keep him so you wouldn't have those alleged people starting for you, since it's not 1940 and the forward pass is pretty important.

Because who needs a #2 receiver?

"Your role will be reduced next season, in favor of... uh... fuck, Damaris Johnson? I guess?"

fuck, caught

Why not send him off to rehab (like, an actual rehab to help him with his problem, not "I'm a celebrity and I fucked up" rehab), let him be paid, maybe give him some kind of fine, but let him back when he's able to come back?

Leave PFTCommenter's work to him.

As a diagnostic, right? And that's pretty far afield from what Owen's saying, since I'm pretty sure Josh Hamilton ain't got no Horner's.

Please tell me about this safe way to use cocaine.

No level of success on the football field would make this acceptable, of course, but it's somehow even sadder to me that these (alleged) terrible actions center around a football team that's an also ran in the Mountain West and hasn't had a winning season since 2007.

"Get the hell out" is great advice whenever you're in Idaho.

"PAP BOMB"

Fuck, I'm laughing so hard I have the hiccups now.

Is DeMarcus going to fit in with a George Karl team though?

I love that last paragraph in particular. Good damn job.

"Oh, you pull scholarships out early? How quaint." - R. Pitino

Petrino: "Hey fucker, can I screw your mom?"