This is my dog, Seymour Butts. He rarely sticks to sports. 

Sticktocars.com is yours if you want it

Can you guys just start your own website, like Jaloopnik or something? I’m starting to feel dirty every time I click on a story, putting another penny in Spanfeller’s pocket.

If I boat another boat, I’d be the guy that boat two boats when he should have boat no boats.

I’m certainly not complaining about the charmed life I lead, but damn that Pathfinder-for-Sierra swap was dumb. The upside is that I quickly traded in the Sierra on my beloved Honda Element. Then I drove the Element for 5 years, which is an eternity for me.

Ugh, don’t remind me. I would hate to count the many thousands of dollars I’ve pissed away over the years by jumping between cars. Luckily I haven’t had to finance any of them in a while, but still. The one I most regret is my 2nd gen Pathfinder that I traded in on a GMC Sierra because the Pathy couldn’t tow my boat.…

That interior is blacker than my soul. Otherwise it looks pretty badass. 

Covered wagons. They’ll be going full retro. 

Let’s see... horsey names:

I don’t think your dad brought that back from Japan. I think you stole it from Ricky Falcone on Christmas morning. 

I dunno, I’m getting bad vibrations from this one. 

Terry, the Canadian Devil, uses the metric system. So his number is 302.09. It’s not as memorable.

He may be our king, but I didn’t vote for him. 

After all these years and all this technological progress, we really just want a robot to bring us a beer.

It is if you put it between two other hamburgers. 

The real hero in this story is Wendy’s hamburgers. I bet those Honda executives really appreciated the efficiency of a square patty.

No, it’s like golf, the most evil of all sports. It goes:

I’m also a little afraid of flying. If only someone could give me a statistic about how safe it is, I’m sure the fear will instantly disappear. 

The real travesty was when HBO canceled Flight of the Conchords.

555 examples (Internet Glory to the first commenter who can point out why that number is notable)