Dang. I was hoping you had written a novelized version of Ride Along, the movie. I’m a big fan of Ice Cube’s film work. 

Good question. I’d like mine signed by David Tracy. 

The publisher’s website says

Does this “book” allow me to leave witty comments for others to enjoy? 

Savage. 

They were probably Haribos. Who could blame him? 

He’s going to have to cash out his 201k.

fill the fuel tank with a fresh helping of baguettes,

Jason Torchinsky (a reliable fount of good ideas and life guidance)

Tom says a lot of things. All of which I refuse to listen to. 

I didn’t read it as a request for “seat beds” but fold-flat rear seats. Not that either of those have seats that fold for-reals flat anyway. But maybe flat enough to sleep on if you’re under 30.

He is, at the very least, a Teller of Tall Tales.

Maybe she mentioned it somewhere else in her note, or Tom just inferred it.

Where did she say MPG’s were a top priority? 

And since she doesn’t have to drive it around town regularly, $15k would buy a nice pickup with a camper shell. 

As per usual, you guys are trying too hard to score Kooky Points. $15k is a lot for this scenario, so there are tons of good options, including Subies. Personally I’d go with a 4Runner or Pathfinder (one of the good ones).

Haters of awesomeness. Hugely obstinate assholes. 

Meanwhile I’m over here waiting on the new microbus like

Whatever depraved thing is brewing, those two guys are in on it together. Look at the “wink wink” Mr. Mustache Rides is giving that dude.

even I wouldn’t dare to wear Croakies