Sweet. I can only imagine how she’s going to swoon when I tell her that I do, in fact, know that guy she’s never heard of. 

I’ve long considered myself to be the Dodge Viper of humans: Powerful, exaggerated, unreliable, cheap on the inside, but totally bitchin’.

I remember this episode. I didn’t know you were going to be on it. Then when you came on I said out loud “Hey, I know that guy!” and my wife was like “really, you know him?” and I was like “Oh wait, no, I don’t actually know him. I just read his stuff on Jellopunkrock.” I don’t know why I blurted that out and it’s…

Super sweet. The reason I use that example is that I bought a 2001 Tundra, and a year or two later my dad bought a Dakota with the 4.7. I can’t believe those two trucks were even built on the same planet. The difference was... stark.

I don’t remember these quite as fondly as those old articles. They were fine for their time I guess. Except for the 4.7L, that thing was a dog.

I decided to save myself about $29,750 and instead ordered the “Lucifer’s Pet Ferret” motor for our Kia Soul. It comes in a small cardboard box, not a crate, but otherwise it should be similar.

Those bureaucrat thugs at GCAN tried to get me to stop calling my Ram the Pimpmobile. If I didn’t do it for my wife, I’m certainly not doing for some One World Government paper pushers in Europe. 

Hey now, it may rattle like a soup can full of nickels, but it very rarely blows up. 

Was somebody making powdered donuts inside it? Or is that a thin layer of 1990's finest nose candy? I would believe either one. 

This one time, in my Ram, I thought I had it in reverse, but it was in Drive, and I went right up over the parking block at the grocery store. True story. 

Big deal. You should see me steer with my knee while I eat french fries.

What’s on his face? Is that just weird facial hair, or a Bane mask, or what?

That’s funny, my wife is also a teacher. When she started watching the show she asked me “Can you imagine having four wives? You’d have to put up with three more of me!” and I said, not trying to be mean, “What makes you think the other three would be anything like you?” I wouldn’t say she was mad at the response, but…

Keep talking... 

Well, it’s a fact anyway. I guess.

I’m about 75% positive that Grace is trolling us

My wife recently started watching the show “Sister Wives”. On Monday night, I accidentally glanced up while this tripe was on and saw Mr. Four Wives and Seventeen Kids driving a Murano CrossCabriolet. I chuckled, naturally. My wife says “What’s funny?” and I say “That car” and she says “I kinda like it.” Hopefully the…

Listen, I love the FJ Cruiser as much as the next bloke, but...

Is THAT why there are more Toyotas on the road than Rolls Royces? I always thought it was because Toyotas were just so reliable.

He looked like a car salesman right out of central casting. But he owned it, and I found that endearing.