I wanted to advise something similar, like, “I’m going to stand here and not let you leave until you start to gasp for breath and turn blue.”

Or the axis of evil: stupid, mean and crazy. I have worked for those.

That’s funny. My 19-year-old niece went to visit her 28-year-old brother and his wife in another state and was utterly horrified when they invited friends over and spent the whole night talking about health insurance and mortgages. She asked me, “IS THIS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE AN ADULT?” She wants a waiver for that.

Well, truth is, their burgers are lovely but their fries really suck. However, I like watching them work. Their workers seem oddly un-depressed/suppressed/repressed, at least at the one near my house. But seriously: the fries are the WORST.

That’s another vote for In-N-Out. Have you seen their menu?

Because God has a really basic sense of humor, and also no problem with bodies. Also likes cockroaches and maggots, so really there’s no reasoning with him/her.

Shouldn’t there be whiskey in there too?

My brother-in-law has heart issues and caffeine can send him to the hospital. In fact he and my sister have separate coffee makers just so neither of them makes a mistake.

You didn’t cut all her hair off or super-glue her eyes shut so I think you were pretty merciful. Considering.

I don’t get it either. We also have 25-year sentences in the U.S. and we don’t call them life sentences, we call them “25-year sentences.” Why don’t these other countries just call them that?

They cancel each other out, duh. Same reason you have to have ice cream with your cake. By that logic I would think fruit would cancel out vegetables so the kids should only be allowed one, not both.

Urban Decay eye primer is the only product I’ve ever found that keeps pencil eyeliner from smudging before I even leave the bathroom in the morning. I still have to reapply it by 2 p.m. or so, but I do get a few hours.

I love those, but for me this works a little bit better—plus you just twist your hair and shove it in: http://amazon.com/gp/product/B00…

Agreed, but the fact that you wrote “hear, hear” instead of “here, here” makes me sigh in relief. Because that too has become a thing, along with my favorite: “It’s a mute point.” Which does make a bit of sense, I guess. Kinda.

Well, he’s quite famous, so a quick trip to Wikipedia would probably give you a quick education.

Well, inasmuch as capitalism has been very much confused with Christianity, I think you are right. Calvinalism! You know God loves you if you’re rich!

Poor people are bad because capitalism. That is ALL.

Of course there really are sea cucumbers. It’s just really odd that someone would know about sea cucumbers and not regular cucumbers.

You could probably sell it in bottles to drunk tourists.

Assuming they’re paid with the loveliest jewels from Queen Elizabeth’s personal jewel-safe and a nice five-star hotel free to live in with all services comped for life. Because that’s what they deserve.