Not given by me but by a now-ex friend (“ex” for a myriad of reasons similar to this):

Her stepson was getting married on Christmas eve...she gave him a $1000 gift certificate to a divorce lawyer, “because we can all see that coming.”

Ew, who the hell is letting pets up on the countertop?  X_X

I’m laughing at the concept of those seats ever having been cleaned, much less regularly.

You know they don’t clean those seats.

Why is everything white?

Those are tropical plants, they got frosted, they’re deaddeaddead. Even something like a light sheet over them can stave off a light frost, but too late for that. 

And I’m not sure what the point was in him sharing it?

I am not quite moved by a still of Pelosi simply doing her job

You could convince me pretty easily that these are made from melted-down trash cans.

What you don't like how they're the color of trash cans lol

Are those slippers also made out of human and lizard skin? Inquiring minds don't want to know.

I know I’m not his target customer but Kanye’s design aesthetic is so drab and depressing I can’t fathom why anyone would buy his overpriced stuff. 

I never though I’d see a shoe uglier than Crocs, yet here we are.

Are these hideous, overpriced Croc-knockoffs sold by a MAGA dipshit OK?

Please take this comment back to 1997 where it belongs.

I also suggest a shot of almond extract. You can’t really taste it, but it adds a richness and subtle nuttiness to the brownies that makes them out of this world.

It was the funniest thing I had heard in weeks. Her “Go, Cougars!” tweet has me all cheered up.

Answer: nope, they’re all in crisis.

The Elizabeth Warren/Marine rumor is one of the funniest and most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in my life. I love how immediately it backfired, though, because we would all root for a 70 year-old-woman to outsex a 24-year-old Marine.

Those teeth are real? I thought that picture was photoshopped. The cheek fillers and botoxed forehead made him look like he took too much valium when he smiles.  The body dysmorphia is strong!