Not a dog buuuuuuut....I know it’s just because he was cold and I was still warm from the shower, but I like to pretend he’s a lap-cat.

Losing a friend is never easy, even if you’re better off without them. I’m still getting over losing my best friend of like 15 years a few months ago. She sent me a text out of the blue telling me she didn’t approve of me dating Dude so soon after my divorce (God forbid I be happy!) and thought we shouldn’t be friends…

The things we do for warm hands!

I worked at a Rita’s Waterice back in high school (not that horrible a job actually!) that was inside the local mall, so lots of opportunities for bizarre encounters. I think my favorite one was with Ricki, the woman who just walked the mall like it was her full time job. She usually just came up to the counter and…

Smoky pumpkin beer and cheddar potato soup with candied bacon popcorn sounds delicious, though when I read the name of it out loud to Boyfiend it sounded like I was just listing random foods. Boyfiend’s input: “That is too many foods in one food!”

Luckily in my seven years of being a florist I’ve only had to make one of these things. They’re a pain in the ass, and holy shit heavy. Do not recommend.

I had an extremely visceral reaction to that one. Fist-biting horror, even. Is nothing sacred?

A florist I worked for for many years has a review on their Yelp page that still infuriates me. A woman posted a one star review based on her wedding we supposedly did, however there was no record of the shop having ever done that wedding (there were enough details in the review to have been able to track it down). I…

What I want to know is how her dress stays put when walking. I have a skirt that borders on that short and you better believe I have to keep readjusting to prevent any unwanted flashing (wanted flashing is fine though). Is it tape? Is it magic?

Oh my god I’m cackling. I immediately made boyfiend read this and he laughed so hard he cried.

See, I was kind of hoping he actually did get killed off two episodes in! He’s doing a pretty decent job with the script he’s been given, but if he had been killed off at least something interesting would have happened.

I’m carrying on with it purely out of a sense of obligation because season 1 was the best television I have ever watched, but man it is not good this time around.

I was late to the dating game, and started going out with my First Official Boyfriend my sophomore year of college. We had been dating a couple weeks or so (only dated slightly more than a month total) when, after boning and watching a crap movie in his aunts basement (where he lived!) he asked if I'd marry him. No…

My (divorced, bachelor) dad had this framed and hung in his basement when I was little. He had several dozen non-swimsuit Sports Illustrateds also framed, but this is the only one I distinctly remember. It was...weird...coming down to watch cartoons on the big screen TV and have Vendela Kirsebom gazing sultrily out…

I bought the first 10 Left Behind books at a yard sale for a dollar circa 10 years ago.

Suddenly I feel so much better about some of my more questionable dating decisions.

My MIL bought my husband poo-pourri this year. While amusing, the bathroom now just smells like citrus poop. Which is actually grosser than the non-citrus version.

It was so difficult for me to (mostly) stop saying "like", "um", "uh", or starting sentences with "but, um". Forever ago, one of my sixth grade teachers used to deduct points for each instance of "verbal filler" used during an oral presentation. While awful for my grades initially, it REALLY helped to make me more…

I could have gone my whole life without seeing this and would have been totally fine with that.

I've been trying to resist that deal all day, since odds are I'll just keep all of the polish for myself :/