“Think I broke my wrist but I can someone how type just fine” *hospital selfie*

I’ve played some of my best football whilst high on weed. Not stoned - mind you, but just high. Talk about getting in the zone...

This is why Texas needs to legalize weed. There are a number of things I need to prove are possible to do while high.

guess who just fell off a hover board and may have broken their wrist:((((

I suddenly feel the need to yell out “It’s a trap!”, but am not sure why...

The big difference is that skateboards are cool....

I’m also excited for the upcoming wave of “Hoverboard Crash Compliation” videos.

They also shot their eyes out.

Don’t see what the problem is? Didn’t kids crashed their new ‘xmas’ bicycles in the days of yore? Just that nobody ever took out an ad in the local paper announcing their stupidity...

My nostrils are literally flaring. Those poor babies.

I asked my coworker, Tim Brady, what he thought about Trump and his plans for Muslims, and he told me to get the fuck out of his cubicle. Also I’m not a reporter. Can I still have $100?

no one gives a s**t until someone gives a s**t

Did no one tell her IT’S FUCKING NOVEMBER?

#blackcoffeematters

Christmas iconography like snowflakes, which were on the cups last year.

Job 5:31: and lo the Lord didst punish Job by forcing him to drink only the coffee left in the Starbucks at 9:00PM, and wouldst not allow him to have a fresh cup.

John 6:55

Remember kids: Black Lives Matter is a bunch of whiners who are looking for reasons to be offended. The real oppression is a lack of Christmas iconography on your coffee cups.

brags about “pranking” Starbucks by having them write “Merry Christmas” as his name on the cup. He also flashes a gun he brought into the coffee shop

I don’t know. They may have a point. Those cups don’t look anything like the ones Jesus drank his Gingerbread Lattes out of.