It’s technically not napping when you’re running a length of garden hose from the tail pipe into the cab of the vehicle. 

My girlfriend can sleep anywhere, at any time, no matter what’s going on around her. I am not made of such material and am restless from the moment I wake up, much to her chagrin. This relationship is likely doomed.

*Reads first 11 words of your post.*

A Power Wheels Jeep that Rex Ryan customized.

GOD YES PLEASE

Split the difference, adopt the Penix as a mascot:

Losing to the 49ers is a fireable offense.

Found the Eagles fan.

What are they worried about? That fool can’t melt steel beams.

Josh Gordon Says He Got Drunk Before Every Browns Game

Oh my, she’s hot as f*ck.

Your 10 year old is not a millennial. We’re like fucking 30 now dude.

Or “Kevin Hart to replace Tyrese Gibson in Fast and Furious franchise”

I hate to be a nitpicker, but it’s “re-resuspendeded.”

No no. No jokes when someone might lose a leg. Go to the corner for a timeout

As an athiest, I take exception to your claim that we all have souls. But keep living the dream.

Why do they hate America/the troops?

As white people, we should really come to a consensus as to whether or not this protest is appropriate.

It is merely a symbol. Nothing more, nothing less. It is not sacred, and the constitution allows you to shit on it. Move on. It’s not about you.

In all honesty people should leave Colt/49er games as early as they can.