Roger Goodell will explain how Robert Kraft informed him that this type of behavior is totally permissible in 3...2...1...

The officials Clemsoned.

But what did Johnny Football think about it?

You see, I disagree with your assessment of the drawing power of Johnny Douchebag. When ESPN threw out their “Johnny Football against some other unnamed team” promo last week, I decided then and there that I wasn’t watching this game AT ALL. I am sick of ESPN imposing their tired narratives over the broadcast instead…

The same day Drew Brees’ consecutive game with a TD pass streak was snapped. Not making light of a serious injury, but there’s an odd symmetry there.

Gus Johnson sucks.

As an LSU grad, the best analogy is this: LSU is the Red Sox, Alabama is the Yankees, and Nick Saban is Babe Ruth. Except for a brief stretch in the 2000s, LSU has been an excellent program, while ALSO being Alabama’s bitch. LSU thought they had finally gotten the monkey off their back, and then Saban started winning…

I don’t get why everyone is so upset. This was the most predictable career arc in the history of sports. Well—at least this side of Lawrence Phillips.

So—seriously—what was worse: the officiating, or the 30 second “Johnny Football Blowjob” promo for next week’s MNF game?

Personally, I also hate how all the commercial breaks have completely destroyed the rhythm and pacing of an NFL game. Everything needs to be artificially stretched so that it fits precisely into a three-hour time window. There is NO reason why we need a three-minute break after a touchdown, followed by a touchback,…

Careful...any more of a Deadspin man-crush and you’re going to make King Kristaps jealous.

Serious question: if he did this for the Trail Blazers or Hornets, would there be a daily post about him? Or do you really think that the bullshit narrative we are being fed should be “OMG THE MYOPIC MEDIA CAPITAL OF THE WORLD HAS A NEW HERO!”?

Why? Because I’m sick of hearing about the fucking Knicks? Last year it was the daily “LOOK HOW BAD THE KNICKS SUCK” piece. This year, it’s “OMG HE’S THE GREATEST THING EVER! NEVER MIND HE’S NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR. HE’S IN NEW YORK AND THEY’RE NOT, SO HE DESERVES THE ATTENTION!” I got news for you,…

Yeah. Screw Karl-Anthony Towns. He’s averaging more points and rebounds, but if he wanted to get a daily Deadspin story, he should have been drafted by the website’s favorite team or play in a bigger television market. Got it.

Okay, yes, a 7-foot-3 rookie averaging 12 points and eight rebounds through the first 12 games of his career isn’t the wildest thing to ever happen.

Knickspin.

This is payback for beating the NCAA over the uniform auction thing after the South Carolina game.

Reyes hasn’t been an All Star since Obama’s first term. But hey, never let facts get in the way of local news. It’s November Sweeps!

Jim Caldwell is the black Bill Callahan. How he is surviving the purge is beyond me. Of course, the only people worse than Jim Caldwell are the people who thought Jim Caldwell was the answer.

He might be the head coach at Nebraska before that.