Philadelphia’s two people short to New England’s five. Maybe these two guys could lend a hand.

You must be fun to hang out with.

Despite Tom Brady getting snapped like a twig on their second play from scrimmage and literally every other starter getting knocked out of the game, the Pats rack up 38 points.

...I’ll be in my bunk.

I for one cannot WAIT for the upcoming Nate Sudfeld vs Brian Hoyer Superbowl matchup that we all deserve.

I only went to Outback once and I don’t remember that happening. I do remember asking for a T-Bone Steak cooked Medium Rare and being told that they “were out of Medium Rare”

There’s a place near my house that always just has like NBC or whatever on. Muted, no captions so while JEOPARDY regularly distracts me, I never know for sure if MY ANSWERS ARE RIGHT!!

I had no idea! I never watched Rock N Jock football, just the basketball.

A team made up of Buff Bagwell and his current...ummm...coworkers.

Each official is equipped with a remote control that blasts The Price Is Right fail horn through the PA system instead of throwing a flag.

Instead of penalty flags, smoke bombs!

No horn. Replace the ball with one of those nerf footballs with the whistles attached. Upon completion of a passing play an extra five yards is added if the noise reaches a predetermined decibel level.

Any QB sack for a loss of ten or more yards is scored as a safety.

I thought it had to be different from the NFL

If we stipulate the XFL will be dumb and do none of this here are my 10 rule changes that I would actually support.

I would actually like to see this for basketball. I like watching bball when it’s up and down the court, but foul shots kill the game for me. Add a 24 second power play, and then a team could hold the ball to kill time or try to set up a play for an easy three.

Also, if two teams have the same Win-Loss record over the season, the Playoff Tiebreaker will go:

Every defender carries a folding chair.

In case they’re not already doing it, fitting the refs with dogwhistles feels mandatory.

Yakety sax plays for the final two minutes of any game involving Andy Reid.