GREAT ODEN’S RAVEN!

He faked the resignation just to watch John Oliver drink a Bud Light Lime.

You seem to be focusing your response on access to lawyers, which is not even close to the only suspicious finding the report discovered.

Sepp Blatter resigns as President of an organization too corrupt to have voted them out when they had the chance like a day ago.

I can’t even make a joke about this. I’m glad the DOJ and Swiss Government are stepping up, but FIFA will continue to bury their heads in the sand and not give one single fuck about this. It’s incredible.

I want to make a joke about the bid going to the country promising to kill the highest amount of people, but man. Fuck the Qatari government for pushing this shit, and fuck FIFA even harder for not being like, “Hrm, yeah, this is a bad idea.”

Let me be clear: such misconduct has no place in football and we will ensure that those who engage in it are put out of the game. Payments should only be accepted in UNTRACEABLE CASH, with no paper trail authorities of any sort could conceivably use to link them to members, myself, or FIFA as an entity. If you cannot…

One time I got a progress report home from high school that was less than flatering. Clearly I was aware of my grades, there wasn’t a secret grading process, but was far more concerned with finger banging anything that moved at this point. When my father opened said progress report and asked about the contents…

Build a time machine so we can go back and not invade Iraq in 2003.

Actually, Drew, there’s no demonstrable evidence that Goodell is a “shit-eating moron”. At most, you could make the claim that it is “more probable than not” that he...

I can’t tell you how devastated the Patriots organization must be now that you refuse to recognize their Super Bowl wins.