I was heading to [tire store] to get new shoes mounted on my ‘02 Miata a few years back. Had my son riding shotgun, and I’d lit the rears up at every stop sign along the way, and may have done a couple of parking lot burnouts as well, you can’t prove it! Anyway, we’re making a left onto the mostly empty A1A about a…

I got pulled over for speeding. The officer asked me why I was going so fast. I replied, “general stupidity.” She looked confused and said...what? I replied that i was speeding because I was stupid. She started laughing and said good answer. She gave me a warning.

When did you learn English?

A bit chilly, but what a show! The NHL and the Pens organization really came out looking first rate.

Born and bred! Go Pens!

Steep-ass hills. Chairs for reserving parking spaces. Jerkoff drivers. Must be Pittsburgh?

Back around 1999, I used to have a cow-orker named Patrick who loved to pull pranks on everyone else in the office, but this one guy Steve, for some reason, became Patrick’s favorite mark.

“Buy Ivanka’s stuuuuuuuuuuff”

There is no way I’m Googling “fingermouthing” at work.

Doesn’t matter, some developer is probably furiously at work on hand-recognition software as we speak.

...an under-18 nightclub

...given me the worst left-handed beating of my life.

Worst: a 2014 Hyundai Accent sedan, rented to drive from Pittsburgh to Sunday River in Maine. What sadists at Hyundai/Enterprise decided to infect humanity with a cruise control-less car?

Can I just note that I really am not done dealing with Prince passing. I’ll be dealing with my emotions from this year for the next 3 years at least.

Mum raised two unselfish boys. The one son has been wearing tattered shorts for ten years now.

I used to attend the same concerts as his son, Travis Bacon. Kevin would occasionally pick him up after the show. So not punk.

So are humans. Please neuter yourself and spay your wife.

He’s more of a so-so-ciopath

“To that end, each one of these ‘friends’ is immediately identifiable as a persistent asshole.”