A day later and I still don't get this. How can you go back to a man who should have killed you. How?

The handrail in the elevator has also expressed regret for its involvement.

Random fact: I own the necklace that Rue is wearing in that photo.

A) What the fuck. You can practically see him stamping his feet via text message.

During Emmys contention a few years ago, didn't he submit himself in the lead actor category for "Parks and Rec?" I mean, in what world was he the lead on that show?

I know he made it all about him! But apparently that's how Lowe is and why he's no longer on the show.

I WATCHED EVERWOOD! I was in love with him then, too. But really I am just sad for people who haven't watched him in Parks & Rec. I decry none of you late adopters and encourage every one of you to go watch Andy Dwyer highlights. I know Ron is the fashionable favorite supporting character, but Andy has always been…

I hate Empire News, National Report, etc and other sites who just publish unfunny lies under the banner of "satire." Satire does not mean just making shit up.

I have friends who got married on Labor Day weekend a few years back. Do you know what Labor Day weddings actually are? A way to make people spend even more of their free time on you. That was a Thursday night through Monday afternoon ordeal.

My curiosity was insatiable.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished…

They don't poop AT ALL. The save up all their excrement until they die and decompose in your pores. You are welcome.

You forgot to mention how much those bugs be poopin' on your face.

This picture grosses me out on a whole new level. On the other hand, I can't be the only one who gains great pleasure from finding a huge blackhead and destroying it. Like, the highlight of my week is finding a huge one near my hairline that I haven't noticed.

My name is Stan. Too many years ago I was working at at small startup, let's call it "clean"; my email was "stan@clean.com". Somebody sent me mail but mistyped the email addresses as "satan@clean.com". The IT guy caught it and forwarded it to me. I innocently asked if he could create an alias for that, since it might…

Mulva?

Does this mean Mark is impossibly thin and no one ever actually sees him? Have I just spent way too much of the last two and a half decades watching Frasier?

Nice try, but you spelled everything correctly and there are no "1"s mixed in with your exclamation points.

And Labor Day's next Monday.

It's a summer suit! What don't people understand about that? He's not a goddamn funeral director.

Pfft. If you want strangers to talk to you, get a dog. No fancy app needed!