To me, there isn't a right or wrong INITIAL response.

That's a good way to put it.

You "care" so much that you never bother to actually bestir your ass and——-I know this is wild and reckless————<i>read a fucking book about it?Ever?!</i>

" What exactly are the expectations of a human finding out something like this?"

(Edited because of rage typos.)

I put "rape" in quotation marks because I went through a situation that many people consider rape - being blacked out and having a sexual act performed on me - and I find it disgusting that that is actually lumped in with real victims who are actually harmed by actual rape. I also find it ridiculous that you would…

Just because he didn't realize how he behaved was hurtful at the time doesn't mean he doesn't have an obligation not to be hurtful in that same way in the future, though ... if they're going to go forward in relationship.

I'm saying that it's not worth discussing because WE KNOW. Jesus, do we ever fucking know. It's all anyone ever talks to young women about—what were you wearing, were you drunk, did you flirt with him? Your insistence on talking about it like it's on the same level of urgency and importance as educating men is what's…

I was SO LUCKY that the boy I dated after my assault was so supportive. He never asked me about it but was always willing to listen to me talk about it, he just hugged me and stroked my hair and all that loving stuff when I cried. I would even freak out sometimes while he and I were having sex because I'd have…

I have seen that. You may say that education is first and foremost, but if you meant it then you would have A) brought it up first and B) spent more time explaining that than explaining why women should be responsible for preventing rape. You did neither of those things.

The problem is, people only seem to sort of want to hear about my first and third suggestion

No, here is the real problem:

I get what you're saying. But the thing is, women know this. Not drinking too much may stop YOUR rape—it did for me. I was at a party when I was handed a drink by a male friend, and I didn't drink from it, because I'm not a big drinker and was on my way to sobering up to drive home. He hovered over me like a hawk…

No, diddums, the only point being proven here is that you're a victim-blamer.

No. If my neighbor steals from me, and they say "Oh, she said I could have it," it would be their word against my word. Yet I'm not lectured about What I Should Have Done because you can't trust anyone and there are always bad people in the world.

A boyfriend/girlfriend/SO is the ONE person you should absolutely be able to count on to have your back. If you were to be assaulted in the future, do you think he would be supportive? If you were harassed? Etc.

I told my husband 13 yrs after it happened and I was really comforted by him. I think it's really important that your partner can respond well in a crisis, especially one that is so pivotal and life-changing. If that's what he said out loud, what is he thinking privately? I'm not saying to toss out the last seven…

"An addendum that I'm majorly WTFing over: Her bf's interview with the head of student affairs (she wasn't even with him when it happened, why interview him?????) was yesterday, and the woman asked about their sex life, if it'd changed, if she liked it rougher now (than when? they weren't together before the…

The solution is not simple.