Great name. His best friend is Buff Bass.

Both guys could star in the Don't Wake Daddy boardgame movie. Everyone's favorite game about a violent father whose kids have to sneak around to have any fun.

In a different universe J Jonah Jameson is the real Steve Bannon yelling about getting pictures of Democrats from Parker.

I had an Uber driver with Christmas lights in his Cadillac and I bought a nice keyboard from him. The last cab I took in Chicago the driver kept smoking and acting like he couldn't speak English while he took me on the worst route from the airport to the Loop.

I had the privilege to start out adulthood in a pretty big southern city where everyone who was "different" so to speak came from a place so small you just referred to it as a county. They made up the open mics, the dance clubs, the galleries, theaters, restaurants, tattoo parlours and all new fun stuff because their…

Ban everyone from Sudan and Somalia but not Saudi Arabia where the 9/11 hijackers were from and financed? No…that's not good for America. I had four Iranian roommates in college who were the coolest guys and we would watch college basketball or NBA and eat Cane's chicken together at least one night per week. They got…

I have some alternative facts about your member size. I'm starting a special investigation into your boastful claims. My experts have reports from top people that it was your tiny hands that perpetrated the Wonderland murders.

I played Silent Hill as a pre-pubescent kid on I think Dreamcast from Blockbuster. I stayed up all night playing in my dark basement and had nightmares for weeks afterwards. Similar experience with Manhunt

He chooses to have that gut in the timeless tradition of wealth and power. Do you really think the healthiest president of all time couldn't will it away? He windmill dunked on Barack in a full Trump suit. But, his compassion made it so he told his staff not to release the video. Barack thanked him on his weak tiny…

I was hoping it said Masonna

Teenage skater Jonah Hill would've worn Osiris shoes. Fat kids always wore Osiris shoes. Just common knowledge.

"Just the other day I saw a guy yelling he was a gosh darn sexual tyrannosaurus and another guy hiding in the woods smeared with mud. They were both governors if you can believe it! Jacob's really gotta be careful in this world."

"So you came here from another planet just to tell this child he shouldn't be talking to strangers on the internet. Am I hearing you right through all that clicking?"

They're not gonna fool me. I donated to a Deer Hunter project and it became Big Buck Hunter.

His comedy is 40% about sex with his wife. A good friend told me when we were teenagers and I bragged about sex with a girl I'd been with for years, "Dude, you having sex with your long-time girlfriend isn't interesting. That's like if someone said, 'I totally banged Susan last night!' and you said, 'Yeah, isn't she…

I'm just happy when anyone references Atom and His Package in an article. I maybe last got to do it in an 8th grade history class using the song The Palestinians Aren't The Same Thing As The Rebel Alliance. One guy got it. He was that kid who's always bring Legos to school. Pretty rad.

Obvious Child: The Movie: THE RIDE!

That would be amazing if his hair was perfect each time and he had a slow burning pipe in hand.

Of all great Southern California venues they pick House of Blues in Anaheim. That alone takes away my interest.

A comic book store near me had the Donald Trump one and one of the employees bought it and made a series of weird photographed scenes with it to put around the store. It was all done with a soft focus to make it more surreal. It was pretty funny.