This is pretty near the definition of Pyrrhic victory, though.

Ask Howard Hughes.

Did he shit a steak? What?

You just reminded me of a Rick Bass short story where two dudes are sitting on a train trestle, drinking “cocktails” called psychos out of mini trashcans. One of them tries to dive into the water below, and I seem to remember it doesn’t end well for him.

That was a bad week for birds in sports. A few days after that some dude on the PGA tour knocked a bird out of the sky with a long drive.

#razziessoterrible.

That would be the only conceivable condition where I would consider it. I would not even do it if it meant the asteroid didn’t hit the planet.

The narration from the video...does anyone else get the sense that it was cobbled together from a combination of online white supremacist militia propaganda and an ISIS training manual?

Teabag goes in the cup. That just makes sense.

He was probably on his way to beat a hobo to death with that guitar.

That every time I masturbate, God kills a puppy.

At least Putin leaves a little mystery around whether or not he did it.

...Because my supporters are mentally challenged sociopaths.

Gainesville is a college town, and a pretty non-segregated, diverse town. Lots of people from elsewhere—which means it skews more liberal than most places in FL.

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Right before the influenza epidemic.

There are people who beat Ironman Impossible three times? How? I used to get annihilated on just Classic, where one wrong move could easily cost you an entire team during the early missions.

And of course they’re all Dad jeans.

I suspect there’s Tarantino-level use of the N word in some of these redacted emails.