“Of course I would be obligated to take the stand in a case against someone whoto beat me with a basball bat. That is a serious crime and I’d have to identify the perpetrator in the courtroom. Where do you get those ideas? OMG!”

By your logic, no one can be found guilty of murder, because dead people can’t testify in court.

Because rape = being a dick online.

Not every accuser testifies. It’s typically advantageous to the case, but not a legal necessity. When women who press charges for sexual assault do not take the stand, the case goes the defendant’s way. 

I read every laugh as “I’m trying to say my shit and get the fuck off camera, you’ve interrupted me, and I need to do something to reset myself. Here’s an awkward laugh.”

Yes. Clearly there is no middle ground between the status quo and The-Purge-but-only-against-men.

It kinda is.

If you were as shitty at your job as Joe West is, you’d want those cameras as far back as possible too.

Where the local citizens are called Fuckingers.

I don’t know what any of those words mean, but I admire your conviction.

*Unconsciously scratches arm*

Isn’t that what the Mets do 162 times a year anyway?

Is it the uniform, or the middle aged dad cosplaying as a basketball player look?

I may not have any idea how QB rating works, but I’m confident that leading the league in kids makes you a weirdo.

There isn't one. He's just a dick who says weird shit.

If there were a way to combine that fall with the Buffalo shooting himself in the dick I would never need to watch another video again.

Your dad too? Mine would order a Coke, and when he was informed the restaurant only carried Pepsi, would enthusiastically tell the server “Even better, there’s more Vitamin C in Pepsi.”

This is a league that really understands how to protect its players assets.

It’s especially fun to note the tight end crossing wide open in front of Flacco, while he passes to a quarterback with his hands on his hips.

Unspeakable shit. The other shoe dropping doesn't hurt without optimism.