That was Will Ferrell.

A 9/11 truther coach and players looped up on adderall with the worst, whiniest, bandwagon jumping fans is suddenly the chic team to root for? Um, no.

Why do these NFL owners live forever? Do they all share some horrifying vampire-related secret? They all seem to live way way too long, which is doubly awful considering the sport they engage in kills off its players way way too soon.

But were the balls inflated to the proper level, that is all that really matters.

I'm sure if the Pats win the Superb Owl, the NFL Shop will gladly deflate the commemorative ball by 2 psi for an extra $25.

How did Darren Rovell not come up with this hot taek first?

He has shockingly clear penmanship for a man in a straightjacket.

I'm sure he'll spare no expense.

And in a completely unrelated rant, can we please PLEASE stop using the suffix "-gate" for scandals? It is the laziest thing ever. EVER. Ballgazi is at least slightly clever, but deflategate would make the writers of Two and a Half Men blush in shame at its lameness.

But it's the Patriots so all the media and opposing fans will treat all this nonsense like a combination of Pearl Harbor and 9/11 and fall all over themselves to see who can spout the hottest take. And we have eleven more days of this crap. Maybe I should start following basketball again...what are the rules for…

I lived in Boston for 12 years and that accent still goes through me like a dentist's drill.

You just listed all the reasons why I have to root for the goddamned Patriots. I am looking forward to the puppy bowl and beer next Sunday.

"I'm not fat" - every fat person ever.

I mean, if you can't have sex in the bathroom at a rodeo event, then where the hell can you have sex in the bathroom?

Are being 10 pounds of suck in a 5 pound bag now "personal reasons?"

I am sure most of the women who have been goodly enough to have sex with me would mention me high on their lists. :/

This is a lovely notion, except for the fact that the Sonics name and history are waiting for whatever team ends up going there, a la the Browns.

How is Pink Floyd NOT playing during the slow-mo? http://youtu.be/hMr3KtYUCcI?t=…