Five years left? So does Cano, yet the Mariners will be paying him for 10.

Silly rabbit...

So an asshole has cancer of the asshole, shocking.

He could stay until halftime. Duh.

Rich old white racist says racist things. Hardly shocking and barely newsworthy. He makes Marge Schott look like Marge Simpson.

So classic it was made into one of the most incredible baseball cards of all time:

If Deadspin's lasting legacy is Fat Ichiro than it has all been worth it.

Unless we are going to use this information to round up and orderly dispose of Yankees fans in "camps," what is the point except to show that people are unimaginative provincial front runners?

with a soul crushing defeat - to lose the division - in week 17.

Yup, droves. Whole generations of people turning their backs on baseball. Dumbass.

The Mets bullpen sees this as an insult to their honor and pledge not to throw a strike for the rest of the season.

Hideki Irabu 2: Electric Boogaloo

I am mentally ill with similar issues to the dude here. Luckily, my family has never had to write a letter like this (with the exception perhaps of an ex-fiance here and an employer there). When it comes to borderline, schizophrenia, and bi-polar disorder, I am well aware that the people around are always on…

Forever and always the #1 threat to America.

My god, if these two had a love child it would be...wait, it would just be Rick Pitino, never mind.

If he was a prodigy, he could defend himself either with wit or his clubs. Instead, he would probably just cry and ask for mommy. Fuck children.

Ironically, he bashes Mike Trout for a whole paragraph and then describes him in the last one as the player he wants. Shitpickle.

Is that CC? Shouldn't he be in the dugout?

They couldn't have gotten him eating some Spicy Hot Wings?