Dear Carlos Beltran,

An asshole and you shouldn't. Thanks for asking.

Boston fans have a much better sense of humor and will react much differently, except for a few macho townies (who will no doubt have to have the article read to them anyway).

Yes, he dropped the 's' from his name to be more mainstream.

Simmons is passable as a writer, but on TV he has all the charisma of tapioca pudding with a voice straight out of munchkin land. Turning over a television show to this guy would be like letting your auto mechanic fix your toilets.

Obviously, you missed the sorid details of Ms Crow's bathroom habits from a few years back.

A Serviceable Game Manager Is Born.

Rookie QB didn't throw pick or fumble off his own ass...yay!

Such braggadocio from a fanbase that hasn't won anything since before man walked on the moon.

Forgetting that all of Babe Ruth's post season home runs came in the World Series and Beltran hasn't even gotten around to playing in a single WS game, Bernie Williams would like to talk to you about your analysis of these modern postseason numbers and Beltran's place amongst them.

I misread this as Barkevious Mingo’s Bum - which would have been 100x better.

Fouling it off would have been a good start.

'Sorry, Mets fans.'

Yup, the one fucking time he should have swung he didn't. Fuck Carlos Beltran with a rusty tire iron.

They have councilors at the halfway house that help with such things, I believe.

NCAYFT

Romo is the Joe Montana of choking.

derp.

More dimples than a golf ball.

I didn't know they let people tweet from the methadone clinic...