Organic fruits and veggies - don't buy anywhere. Total ripoff.

You forgot: don't eat meat or fat, unless you're French, in which case you should eat meat and fat.

I cannot read this.

You know the best way to avoid shit like this? Don't have guns.

Anyone who was married to a member of Nickelback must relinquish all claims to rocking.

Sounds like the kind of thing a scrub would do.

I did that too! Once my college roommate and some of her friends had come back from class or whatever it was they did, and they were out in the kitchen and I could hear them talking about me. Mostly just how weird I was, and how I always locked my room door when I left and even when I was at home, and how I just…

No matter what the weirdness, it always comes down to the clean v. the slobs.

Yawn, it's been done:

Those suits ain't bad. The ties, maybe. (They would've gotten extra points if they Hoge-ized the size of the tie knots to D-cup level.)

... Hair ? ... Not sure.

Cue the BDSM people flooding this article to inform us this isn't real BDSM. #kinkpositive #MasterNope #50ShadesofShite

Sexmonsterism aside, how could you possibly take a "Master Bob" seriously? That sounds like the wig you're supposed to copy on your first week of barber school.

Completely off topic, every time I see your name on a post, I think of Tony Toni Toné.

With a little work, you too could be this beautiful!

I know. Fathers leave has turned all our men into gays too, mind you. Next we will also have a female president. Oh, wait...

For one thing, he's wearing a tie with his suit, so he's already ahead of the game.

Whatever, Children of Parents Who Were Never Married win this round. Bastard fo' life.

WOODY ALLEN: [leans in]