Kylie doesn’t even look like Kylie.

my dad has been remodeling the kitchen for five years.

I just love it when, after a lifetime of searching, a person finds their porpoise in life.

But is it more offensive to assume transgender people lack any sense of humor about their lives at all?

Now I want a movie where one passenger wakes up late and discovers everyone has moved on with their lives.

I want a biopic starring Parker Posey.

THIS.

I work one on one with clients, which means I can’t smell like ass and B.O. Instead of skipping showers to avoid drying out your skin, just use gentle soap and some goddamn moisturizer and don't take 35 minute scalding hot showers.

I’m fully aware of everything in this article. I however, still choose to shower every day because despite commonly held belief, I am not in fact a goddamn savage.

I ask anyone who reads this to continue and shower every day. Specially if you take public transportation or sit in a cubicle farm.

We had to rewind it a couple of times. Pretty sure he said “Taking it like a champ”. Much more gender neutral, thus all the more infuriating.

Total elapsed time until I muted it: 0:04

I visited a wildlife sanctuary in Tasssie last month and a worker brought out this baby she was fostering. Her mum has been hit by a car and she was being fostered until she was old enough to be released back into the wild. Her name: Mariah.

Robot? It’s a human in a suit.

My husband and I would hardly ever argue if one of us was dead.

Or you can slap a microfiber cloth on the bottom of the Swiffer.

No, “neat” would be without ice.

There is only one thing you need to for a successful instagram: A cat. Time for an official Vatican Pope Cat.

and everybody has already peed in it!

This planet uses the same water for over 4 billion years :)