Never discount the fact that Rivers is a crazy person who has (a) endorsed Rick Santorum for President and (b) sired lots of children (apparently totally intentionally). A prospective move to L.A. could be a deal-breaker for him just for the possible ramifications on his immortal soul and those of his family.

C’mon. If the Lakers can relocate to LA, why can’t Rivers?

Girlfriend's question: Why when you foul it off with no strikes or one strike, it's a strike, but when you foul it off with two strikes it's nothing?

The Wave is utter horse shit.

"Be game for goofy shit."

Counterpoint: "The Twelves"

So when does Deadspin Premium Account start?

Maybe he refused to cater an LGBT wedding.

Won’t the umpires find it distracting?

They keep saying he'll go number 1, but if you ask me, he looks a lot closer to type 2.

Shouldn't the title of the podcast be "Bill Don't talk about anything but the Celtics, Tom Brady, and Ryan Grigson"

In Simmons' defense, he lobbied for "NBAholes," but the Mouse wouldn't let that fly.

Player 8, Player 1, Player 5, Player 6 and Player 11

Okay (and by okay I mean they're okay at murdering) Athlete Murderers:

Not a single Chris Henry joke? You guys are slacking today.

DJ Skribble is the resident DJ at the MGM in Vegas. He's probably doing OK.

Nice, dude. Do you also remember what it was like when lots of kids got polio? Fuck outta here, Father Time.

"We shouldn't worry about brain injuries because the NFL might shut down and then I'd have to go get a real job" - Mike Florio

I hope he gets another chance to play fucking terrible football. I mean, Christians need something to feel persecuted about.

Reached for comment Monday, Tebow vehemently denied that he has evolved.