If it helps your imagination, the Double Quarter Pounder is also probably made of bloatfly.

In reality, the Eagles aren't the whitest team.

Is Joe Flacco aleut?

"I'm not being defensive. You're the one who's being defensive."

They're basically the NFL equivalent to the kid who always brought Hydrox cookies for lunch instead of Oreo's.

I want a reality show called "Bill Bidwill Eats Every Single Dick" following Bill Bidwill's travels around the world in a dick-eating quest.

Another sign the NFL doesn't get it: Petition started for Weird Al to play halftime got over 150k signatures.

Peyton Manning's single-season passing record is even more bogus than Michael Strahan's sack record. He broke it by one yard, and the NFL and Elias Sports Bureau are putting their heads in the sand and refusing to acknowledge that a 7-yard "pass" to Eric Decker in the final game of the season was actually a lateral.

So that's what it looks like when you fall off the DDP Yoga wagon.

From the Merc with a mouth to...not

Came with frame.

I liked Andrew Luck in The 'Burbs

I think we've all owned a rare Belgian gun at one time or another

I would argue that Marvin Harrison is a way more competent version of Aaron Hernandez, seeing as how they haven't been able to charge him with anything even though we all know he's running a mob out of his Philly car wash.

And so America's interest in football dies for another 4 years, been fun guys!

Let's zoom in on that patch:

Scott Brooks was going to throw in that bloody towel, but discovered that it belonged to Tommy "Machine" Gunn and, instead, promptly made a doctor's appointment.

This would never happen to Jairo Garcia.

They got Roy Green so doped up he spent 11 years with the Cardinals.