WOWZA!!! Very happy for you!!!!!! I am making a big effort to find a new/better job after realizing that is is hiiiiiigh time I kicked my current job to the curb. I have been getting more and more frustrated (and more broke) after three years of busting butt for a chauvinist who recently promoted a mouth breathing…

Wish list#1: Ability to fart on command, particularly if it involves being able to produce vile noxious “mustard gas” like clouds at offensive jerks.

Oooh!Oooh!! (raises hand)- I had a cashier at Publix give me a look and call a manager over when I paid with a $50 bill. It turns out that she had swiped it with one of the counterfeit detecting marker pens and it turned dark. I asked her if she had used the marker on paper that was not currency- an she said yes. I…

I bet he recalls with great fondness the days when the “help wanted” section was divided into the fatter, more lucrative “help wanted, male” section and the shit show/low pay, slim as fuck, good luck being anything but a nurse, teacher, secretary or waitress”help wanted, female”.....

How do I sign up for that?

I’m sure you are fantabulous. I used to think I was a massive bastard/creep/pricky jerk/loser& user magnet I seriously said NO to any more ghastly online dates until a nice friend told me he was going to create my profile and post it for me unless I did so. I promptly told him that he has the writing skills of a chimp…

Methinks the so-called artist is just trying to ride Jimmy’s coat tails for his nanosecond of fame. Skulk back under your bridge, desperado.

I just realized that Little Miss “Santa is a fucking racist too” has a nose like Beavis.

Or did the Clampetts have a yard sale?

Sigh (in a baby voice) . it gets like, suuuuper hard to keep acting casual when I’m dropping into meetings recording shizz for my boy Vlad & throwing Daddums more crack. Next week I think I will toss baby seals in front of Mack trucks for some shinier publicity.

LOCK ZUCK and tRump UP NOW!!!! Fuck both of you for trying to hijack and demolish any semblance that remains of democracy. I hope they both burn in hell wearing cheap shoes!

Arrrgh, so sorry to burst that bubble, but he is there to ensure that the sweetheart deal between US and Russian oil companies can go forward, so he is going to resign since the sanctions have been nearly approved. He’s the former CEO of Exxon-Mobil and received a “medal of friendship” from Putin.

My two purrbuckets looove playing on the screened porch and their super close view of squirrels form my office window. I have read may times that indoor kitties live twice as long on average.

Bingo!!!I think it boils down to the fact that they are secretly feeling like it is akin to a single-wide. But “hey, we wouldn’t be in a trailer park.. Or blow away as easily in a tornado”.

Being transparent with your kids about your family’s money situation is crucial. My Mom sat me down with the checkbook at 13 when I whined for expensive clothes. I had a friend whose parents had champagne taste-she only wore the nicest clothes and they had features in their home that no one else had. Sadly, it turned…

Constant vapid pimping?

LOL, I used to have a golden retreiver that looooved a song I made up about wistfully making the decision to be a slob and go commando for a day.

I think I’d like to start a “Dumb name conversion” law practice catering to people who wre named dipshit names like “Apple”, “Sir” or other dippy monikers. Plus we would make the chore of getting your driver’s license and all other documents easier. I see this as getting very profitable in about 18 years.

Hell yes- now let’s all pecker slap him into lack of sales. Talk to or email/call your grocery store’s corporate office and ask them if the horrible shit (such as the “So and so is dying, So and so is hospitalized & their spouse is pulling the plug”) are the kinds of trashy bullcrap that they want their customers to…

Ummmm, I have had (cough) invisible ninjas forcing me to eat and drink way too much since November. Can’t even negotiate my way out of skipping my mid-morning mini Peppermint Patty, the bastards.