That woman who is dating her dad.

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BACKWARDS ASS BACKWOODS THE HILL HAVE EYES TYPE SHIT ARE THESE PEOPLE RUNNING?!?!

can someone let Gaston know there is a push up contest happening in my bedroom and he is invited? And by bedroom, I mean my bed. Clothing optional.

Tried cocaine for the first (and last) time in a stranger's bedroom and ended up helping the caterer make a bunch of sandwiches. At a party I wasn't invited to.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My kid won a Pulitzer prize this year and she's a dolphin without any hands to write with so it's all the more impressive. So proud of my little baby. Oh she's 2 btw and doesn't even go to school... because she's a dolphin.

I will start by saying I made a new account to post with because I do not want to post on my real account and out myself.

I AM NOT WATCHING THAT AND FUCK YOU FOR LINKING IT

Could not watch. Prefer pus. At least pus and hair is generated my the person it is coming out of.

My birthday is exactly a week before Christmas, and as such, is almost always the day that my office chooses to have their holiday party. This has happened several times over the years with various jobs, and it is generally uncomfortable and has occasionally gotten weird.

The most memorable, however, was several…

I once had an "Actor" show up to a date still wearing lipstick from his job (singing carols at a christmas market...nice acting, broham) and then proceed to criticize me for wearing too much makeup. He also said "Your pictures didn't suggest you'd be fat" and I was like "I literally have a full body shot on okcupid.…

That's a reasonable dealbreaker.

I love how every guy thinks he can't be faked out.

SHUT IT THE EFF DOWN, EMMA BB.

Also, any guy who enjoys blowjobs and uses "dick-sucking" as an insult is a fucking hypocrite.

She dared to leave her house. She was obviously asking for it /s

That can happen to anybody, so you have to be more careful.

Eh, I think Alexandria is nice, but then I like Historical City names. I won't ever have kids, but if I did, I'd probably end up naming them unconventional shit like Victory or Holiday or something.

As an actual Canadian, I would rather have gone to that game than gotten laid. Not just because I was eight years old at the time either.

When I was 15 I used to steal my parents car in the middle of the night, drive 15 miles through LA to my girlfriend's apartment, where she would sneak up to the roof so as to avoid her ex naval officer father hearing us and subsequently murdering me, and have gross teenager sex until 6am. Then, because my girlfriend…

Got married.