I feel like Barry started out with a nautical metaphor and couldn’t find a decent place to lay it to rest, to the point where eventually it became an albatross around his neck.

This should really set the standard for any more boat takes this season. Any article should contain a minimum of five puns about boats, sailing, etc.

Aaron Rodgers’ Hail Mary’s ability to avoid defenders is second only to Aaron Rodgers’ ability to avoid family members.

Cook? They should have started the Swedish Chef!

He ran into a laundry list of problems

It turns out that the Raiders quarterback wasn’t their regular starter. Who knew? I think Jon Gruden did a good job conveying the point that he’d never touched a football in his life before last week.

Listen, if they wanted to know specifics about how things were run the person they should be talking to is the Specific Manager.

They obviously also didn’t see either of Kirk Cousins’s bullet strikes to Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie yesterday. Not every QB in the league could make those passes under pressure like that. Aaron Rodgers couldn’t even throw a single interception in the last six games!

You misspelled “Browns.”

If that’s the best throw you have ever seen you have clearly been ignoring my 4th grade highlight reel I sent you with me lighting up my best friend Tony’s back yard using an official John Elway Nerf Vortex! I would like to see Rodgers thread a pass through the branches of the Williams’s old oak tree.

Kneel before Saad!

Hopefully his Lack of experience doesn’t Staal his career as a goalie.

I’m picking up excellent vibrations.

“Help me!”

I’ve seen drunken frat boys in a bar fight while blowing a .30 with better head movement than Rousey.

Julie Hagerty also forgot how to deal with Striker. In II she was sluggish. One might say, like a wet sponge.

Seriously...