So if you cross this:

my face, immediately, upon viewing the header gif:

He might not get traded.

He’s already demanded a trade to the Pirates.

So instead of requiring food to be safe they just want us to not eat cookie dough?

WTF FDA? Do your job!

I wish some ice cream company would make cookie dough ice cream, hold the ice cream. The current iteration of cookie dough ice cream turns me into a gross immature kid, because I eat all of the ice cream first, and save the cookie dough for the end to eat in one glob.

If the FDA would like to recommend a better way to eat my feelings I’d love to hear it.

YOU’RE AT WORK, PALLIE, PUT ON YOUR FUCKING SHOES

This would 100% make me reconsider going to a show. I am not one to record an entire concert but I’m not okay with someone essentially taking my phone away from me by making it unusable.

No—it’s a certain kind of athletic wear. My yoga pants don’t stink, but when I was training for a marathon, I had tons of special gear that got dry REALLY fast (because it’s horrible to be running for four hours in soaking clothing).

jia, want to thank you for writing this. i am not a mom, have never been pregnant, but was moved to tears by your words and the way you spoke with elizabeth. this story is so important,and i’m glad you were the one writing this. thank you.

I have never dyed my hair, and that shit sounds so expensive and time-consuming. I’m considering getting some subtle highlights, and even that might be too much commitment for me.

As an Asian woman and because this is Jezebel, I just want to say I find the recent prevalence of blond Asians a little bit of a bummer. I get it, it’s fun and on trend and we are all free to do whatever we like. But- after watching the doc Good Hair years ago I realized how much women are inspired not by vanity but…

Of all the things to be gleeful about, assaulting a minimum wage worker (I presume) has got to be the dumbest shit I’ve seen all week.

So why did she actually buy the gun if she wasn’t gonna keep it? Just go thru the motions and stop before you buy it. Now the paper is out close to $800 for what? Making a point? A point that would have been made without spending a dime.

OMG GRANDMA SARACEN.

Gob’s not on board.

Salt Lake Beads?

I don’t drink, because addiction runs in my family, so growing up my extended family was basically one continuous DARE class. I’m not the most outgoing person, and I don’t like being around drunk people, which means I opt out of a LOT of social activities.

So many events in your 20s and 30s center around alcohol. Hell,…