This probably would have been good about two weeks ago, office party season is done now.

He swinga di golf club, fantastico health, beepy di boopy di babay di!

private Italian lessons from women he found through Craigslist postings is such a long euphemism

“Do we really need to see the mannerisms of our new leader through the lens of comedy on TV?”

I want BD Wong instructional videos in every topic imaginable.

He is Fred Flintstone in human skin.

Also you could use it as a pillow and it wouldn’t complain or nudge you when you start to snore.

Pleasant Ridge Reserve is my jam. If it weren’t so expensive I’d weigh 400 pounds and start hacking elections.

I wish I’d get seated next to a giant stuffed bear on my next flight. It won’t try to talk to me, hog the armrest, get drunk, or get up 10x to pee.

Unpopular opinion: I kinda agree with the ruling in the sense that an executive order shouldn’t have the power to create a new law. I certainly wouldn’t be OK with that legal precedent if a governor tried to pull the opposite sort of thing to specifically legalize discrimination via executive order.

You’re doing what to vampires?

it’s the name of my wifi

Can’t remember exactly why, but NYC tends to have this thing about low-flying planes showing up

I know, I’m 12, but whatever. Col. Broccoli? Was Professor Plum whacking someone with a lead pipe?

Oh my god, same story but “Buona Natale.” Fuck right on off, Perry Como.

Oh my god...

Goddamn Mahershala Ali needs to be in everything; that man is soooo good. I loved him as Stokes on Luke Cage so much.

While the necklace is indeed too busy, Gayle and her hair looked poppin’ that day so, chin up, girl. I’m not sure my self-esteem is quite strong enough to endure harsh critiques from Oprah about my life choices on a regular basis but I would love to find out.