However, if you’re boring breeder dad who works in sales (me), they fuckin’ rock the button down work shirts. And ladies, I’m taken. Happy hour at Applebee’s! Who’s with me?!

Okay not THE MUSICAL just MUSICAL CATS, right? Because if it is THE MUSICAL, CATS I am going to have to pass. Hard. Brick pass. DIAMOND PASS. CARBON PASS.

An 8-week-old fetus? At that stage it’s the size of a marble and barely recognizable as human. How did they even know what it was?

I didn’t even get that far, Number 9 where he’s laying on the floor holding the baby in the elephant outfit made me black out for a minute.

I'm glad this exists, but anyone else kind of weirded out that it's kind of like dropping off a rental at blockbuster?

Battle Of The Waving Noodle Person Thingys Outside Of A Car Dealership

Nothing tops sports and twitter.

i’m honestly starting to get a little worried about him

does it count if it’s the card in the starbucks app? I feel like Hillary’s the type to be AMAZED by that technology and want to use it everywhere.

This would be a great drunk history. I love it and it would be cool to add some great stories that feature Asian Americans that have contributed to changing America. Plus toliets and alcohol always go hand in hand.

Y’all, go make a will. Now. Even if your assets are minimal or just bunch of books and shoes. In many states you just need to write it on your own and simply take it to a bank to have it notarized for free. You will save your loved ones, friends or family, lots of headaches.

for old times’ sake

Also: “At least the Aaliyah biopic was regulated to Lifetime”

The interesting thing is that we have to have these conversations because of how dangerous straight men are to EVERYONE. Someone who looks like, say, Laverne Cox, is simply in danger if they try to use the men’s room. Someone who looks like this transguy I once worked with- born female, had breasts removed, dresses…

Cool! Next time I want to call someone 'a real, raging, insufferable dick', I'll just call them a 'Johnny Jonathan'.

There’s a right way and wrong way to tell your teammate to run it out.

I want to first say something: THE GOVERNMENT DICTATING WHAT MEDICAL CONVERSATIONS TAKE PLACE CAN GO TO HELL. (ex: Fuck you, Florida, I’ll talk about gun safety as much as I damn well please) My only hope here, putting on my rose-colored glasses, is that this will ensure that hospitals provide this service to women…

Is Salman Hayek the lost Hayek?

I like raisins. They’re just grapes who have seen things, man.