The de Grasse Tyson has spoken. Thus endeth the lesson.

Don't you know? Nipples are where women keep their sin.

I didn't realize that people were now getting plastic surgery to look like Lyle Lovett.

When my grandma turned 24 we stopped visiting her at the retirement home because she was too decrepit and grotesque.

Putting this gross old lady on my screen instantly killed my boner forever.

I've been here a few times - it's really awesome. In the morning the snakes are all docile and you can walk around and pick them up. They love sitting in your warm hands.

Its cheekbones would make vaginal delivery impossible, though.

The defendants' lawyer is pissed that the child porn law is being applied in a way he claims is outside of the intention of the law and vows to fight the charges tooth and nail.

Now take another can and make a chimney starter so you can get the 2 or 3 pieces of charcoal lit.

Bars, I may grant you. I would not recommend churches, however. They tend to attract religious patrons, for one reason or another.

They could BOTH just be dicks.

Point: Part of being a celebrity is being asked the same dumb questions again and again.

Counterpoint: Part of being a reporter is not being a rote dipshit.

They are the exact reason I put a set of train horns in my Chevy

The drivers. SERIOUSLY. I can't count how many times it came down to me and a late model Subaru having a fucking showdown in the parking lot.

Ha! I used to work front end at WFM. If you're an asshole, trust me, you paid extra. On the other hand, nice people could get some surprising discounts...

Doesn't every team need a batboy?

That's not true. I've loved a couple of films with James Franco in them.

You can read? You're literate, too? You must be a man. Or an unattractive woman.

The cold dead stare of someone who would have killed those fucking bears.