I also hate running: have you tried intervals? What I do is walk 2 minutes with a brisk run for a minute. Jogging (I've heard) is worse for your joints but doing the intervals has reduced the agony and more importantly made the sheer fucking tedium of it less.

That 90's Yankees team only came about because the "Boss" was suspended due to his brilliant actions with Dave Winfield.

Photoshop battles are pretty funny…

WHOA…I don't know what Utopia you think you're in, but I want proof of better beer Mister.

Thanks! It sure is.

I wear those real short 70's style shorts, just so my pendulous nads can hang out.

I once had a first date with a girl from the internet. She ended up being a woman from the internet, with a husband, who was not very pleased with me dropping her off at three in the morning.

It is pretty fucking great…and super trashy. I can't recommend it enough.

Um…my son's name is Bort…

'Ere now Bruce…

SURE it's snark…now.

Your water system sucks! I tried it and now the dog has three eyes. You cocksucker.

Slow down? You're in the far left lane, Grandma! Get the hell out of my way!

That mute SOB going around cutting his ties probably was the final straw…

In the old days, the Klan despised Catholics. However, I think they're at the point now that if you're white looking and Christian, you're welcome aboard.

Or into men only…

There's dozens of us! DOZENS!

Probably in my all time top five Simpsons moments is Homer putting the radio on and that song coming on…and he proceeds to smash the radio in.

If you need me, I'll be listening to Dickie Goodman…

HEY-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!