In the late 19th century, the major European powers were locked in a struggle for territory which became known as "The Scramble for Thurston's Dick."

"Fakin' it with the Beef!" has a certain jaunty ring to it.

Well, for one thing I'd have more time to read. And I probably wouldn't read horror fiction anymore 'cause I bet that shit isn't all that scary to ghosts. So maybe I'd finally get around to Tolstoy?

The previous tenants…? (Chuckles to self menacingly) Oh yes… the previous tenants. They made a few, shall we say, alterations to the property. Without clearing them with the neighborhood association first.

It also makes for an interesting "What If?" story. Given the 24/7 news cycle and apparent need for online vigilantism/instant outrage that we see today, how would a story like this spin out now?

Predators are the good guys. Aliens are the bad guys.

Let's talk about gender, bro.

This sounds like something out of a Don DeLillo story. Wait, is DeLillo a hipster thing? What about reading? Shit! I swear I only read humble, man-of-the-people things.

To be fair to Michael Bay, the alien robot legislation that we have on the books now IS cumbersome and chock-filled with loopholes. It's like Congress just let the lobbyists write it for them.

Volcanos? That's pretty weird, even for that diaper guy.

A different Lou Reed album?

I was always a little bummed that Snyder cut out Ozymandias' "Hey, have you ever heard of Dub music?" mini-speech, but otherwise I think he did what he could. Some art just doesn't translate well across different kinds of media.

Ballistic: Santa vs. Krampus

He's just on his way to scour out his sink. Viking sinks were pretty nasty.

I re-arranged some things in Excel to make it look gooder. For my boss.

*Angrily tweets TI's cellblock*

I saw that too! I was all geared up for a lead-off comment that was either 1) Hilariously Profane or 2) Chris Conley, but instead all I got was Kevin James.

Woo's also got this thing with like, birds flying around when the penises are going off. He's a freaky motherfucker.

OoOoOo, lenticular! Sign me up!

I love the subtle damnation in the fact box to the right.