While I appreciate the argument you posit for the banishing of numbered reviews, at the same time I still think they served a useful purpose of providing somewhat empirical rankings on the many great vehicles you reviewed. My only real issue was with how the categories were scored: some reviews based the score off of…

The man was way ahead of his time; he already knew the power of cat memes

That's actually my email signature....

Whatever, at least they didn’t copy Audi and dub their their ultra high-performance line the “L”

While also amazed, I’m more perplexed he didn’t use the term “well-spoken;” I would’ve won the board in my game of racist/sexist bingo.

it's not like he's Staney Kubrick reincarnated or something

clues of impairment in his performance

Pretty sure this is the two word distillation of his preference in women.

When the hell did Arod steal Bartolo's chin?

I don't know what to call this, so I'll just let it stand on it's own:

"This is the NFL, Samer..." needs to be common lexicon, a la " Forget it Jake; it's Chinatown." Though to be fair at least Noah Cross only horrifically abused and compromised two women compared to the NFL's hundreds long rap sheet.

Yup, and that reason was Toni Braxton.

I once almost kidnapped a kid. True story.

Donnybrook has a special place in my heart.

Seriously, this has B166ER all over it:

Just for one of the reasons you described you'd have to go with the Aston. While the e63 wagons are amazing, they already look a bit dated as the use of circular headlights with more modern side panel detailing is kind of awkward. The Aston's design is timeless, so will age better in the long run.

Have you read the long-form NY Mag piece? It goes over in greater detail many of the suspicions and trepidations you list.

It's where the headquarters for Antoehr Company are located.

Also, I believe that the skinnier tires on those small FWD vehicles helps in the snow. Many of the larger SUV's come with humongous tires that help in non-snow conditions and are oftentimes aesthetically preferred, but are semi-worthless in the snow.