I have a raspberry bush (so we're soulmates) but it's Canadian (so we're broken up now). Have you tried that fried Elvis sandwich yet? It has a fruit in it.

You are stupid but I laughed.

Cooking your own food off of a meat conveyor belt? Nothing about this sounds fun.

Is there a way to disable some of the features of a burner account? Burners shouldn't be able to post images. I don't think Gawker really needs tips in .gif form.

Mega Lopunny is adorable and would have been great in Flashdance.

That troll is pretty fuckable though.

From all the stories I've heard I've concluded that straight people are terrible at sex.

Consecutive life sentences, so don't even bother reincarnating. A guy is facing life in prison for making potent pot brownies.

Most of the games are really dumb. The good thing is that it cuts down on interview time so movie stars don't drone on about how all the actors loved each other on set and how they played the cutest pranks.

What a puff piece. This is like reading the Puffington Post.

My scariest game moments all involve glitches. Is there a phobia of the void, cuz I have that. Any time my character would clip through the world I would be instantly done (and if my character starts falling in to nothingness I will probably throw the controller). Facial glitches are also unsettling.

So now men are just staying gross as "a statement". That's a good excuse.

My dinner companion is the street urchin I paid tuppence to test my food for poison.

So I'm super glad you werk at Jezebel now and I would like to raise an IKEA tumblr of dirt cheap Polar Ice vodka to you. Can we get an update on how much vodka you have sponged up?

When someone is pressuring you to send them sexy photos that may be online forever you shouldn't be concerned with being "nice". I think, "The provincial police and I don't care about your boner" is a great message to send dipshit boys that think filling their fapbank is a sacred right.

It looks great on Rihanna, which can be said about anything ever.

I'm fairly certain it wasn't. The problem with The Wrangler is that the owner was clearly lying about why he refused entry to a customer. At my workplace the rules for entry were laid out clearly and enforced 100% of the time. If having a club for men only or women only is legal in your jurisdiction than I imagine…

Eh. I worked at a place where I had to enforce the rule that "customers must be masculine in appearance". A drag queen was slightly miffed when I turned her away. A young woman threatened to sue... something, and I laughed. That was all the drama that could be mustered.

"As someone who has also never received a dick pic, please send me yours now to JustTheTips@Gawker.com" - totally real quote, dicktated but not read, Mark Shrayber 2014.

Why? I invented a meringue douche so you can make macaron kisses with your butthole.