The CG is colourful and striking. The characters seem cute and expressive. You’re just mad that it’s not an anime, which is fine, I guess.

...Cheese Land? Maybe a Wii U really is worth owning.

and when Lucas comes out it’ll be another $5? Fuck you Nintendo.

The second paragraph tells you NOT to buy one, but okay.

I’m hoping for some very mean April Fools pranks this year because gamer tears are delicious.

I'm very confused as to why there isn't a new Bomberman game on the eShop for 3DS and WiiU yet.

Real games have curves.

I look at that like a Hitachi Magic Wand. I want to put it in me.

Well when someone's hobby is cooking and they're amazing at it, that's pretty cool. I can con that person in to making tasty things for me. My friend being amazing at video games doesn't benefit me in any way... especially if it's multiplayer because I'd rather win.

Wow I want to mount the statue and the artist.

I do the thing you mentioned: preempting a green light by a second or two because that can really make getting through an intersection a lot safer. I don't ever go on the sidewalk because there's no reason to. If I don't feel safe on the road I'll just wait for the big ol' trucks to go by or take up the whole lane as…

Well those people are lunatics who will die soon. Problem kind of solved... except for the trauma and expense of removing their corpse from your windshield.

If only all gay men had such fabulous DSLs.

I think amiibos might do more things in the future, but right now they're just shoddy figurines that interact with Smash Bros in an inexplicably boring way.

It's a genre called "anti-comedy", and for some reason it exists.

Yeah I love those clean, thin lines.

Yeah I'm not happy with the dragon neutering and Garrosh empowering. Nobody likes Garrosh. He's so annoying that I don't even want to kill him, not that that will ever happen, because he is now some kind of timelord.

Shadow Sneak is easy to avoid, his ability to gimp you with that backwards water jet thing is a lot harder to play around.

What year is it in your magical world, Nintendo? When will you discover patch notes?

Somebody has to do it, bless you sir.