I like how her funny bone is one of her vertebra. Looks painful.

I would like to commandeer the cold linoleum floor next to the Gatorade fridge in Shoppers Drug Mart as a medical bay. That's all you need to make your tum tums feel better.

Does Chris Evans push his tits together in it? If so, I will watch it.

It's all about giving it a thorough, violent shake before you open the tub the first time. Angry dancing with yogurt is always better than stirring.

Dear Celebrities,

She is delightfully insane. She even managed to bewilder Craig on an episode of the Late Late Show when she was theorizing that The Real Housewives are probably some of the last people in America to own slaves.

Boy humour for boys and girl humour for girls!

I prefer the olden days when French mimes were safely contained in invisible boxes.

"My daughter and I enjoy reading Harry Potter together"

I had no idea the mayor of Paris was an infant.

Agreed. Can we talk about how those bachelorette party penis pops are never quite big enough or anatomically correct? It's a serious issue.

The audience, the band and the other guest were in stitches, but yeah, she's totes just a crazy, old, unfunny bitch.

So when will I be old enough to claim that my genetic material is worthless so I can avoid my family's desire for bloodbabies?

Always appropriate.

Just don't ask for a latte. Nine minutes later they'll have accidentally made you a super dry latte (the egg white omelette equivalent of coffee) that only tastes like disposable cup liner.

"I'm sick of my black tights and black ankle boots."

BaconisstillbadforyouaccordingtoScience, sorry. I really am sorry.

Not Fun Fact: Non-hydrogenated margarine is probably the best way for us to get polyunsaturated fats in our diet. I still love butter though.

I love his, "Look Ma, I'm modellin'!" face. So cute.

I wish I had shouldragons.