Ugh. I'm pretty his cybernetic brain is powered by Reddit and a rhyming dictionary app.

Joss Whedon is saying what we should all be thinking, probably.

What a strange, funny memo.

I like how evidence isn't required to convict people of things.

They're made of murder and razor blades just like real Tootsie Rolls on Halloween!!1

I would hug Sir Coniferous Bramblesnatch every night before bed.

If I was tall and British and heterosexual and had a TARDIS/magic carpet I would solve your rut so fast.

Brilliant. Like all retail jobs though, I'm sure the employees won't actually be overworked and will instead not be getting as many hours as they want so they don't get medical/dental benefits and such.

That's what the exaltation transference pill is for. Much more efficient and modern.

Yours isn't?

When my rabbit found out this dating app was for humans he smashed my phone :(

Donald Trump's attempts at wit are like knives in my belly. So many knives.

She was on Conan the other day, talking about how all her raunchy jokes are promptly cut out by ABC, so yeah, it'll be fat jokes forever :(

Hot. You should write a book. It'd be better than 50 Shades, that's for sure.

You're mean.

Lumpy gravy should be illegal

That must happen a lot. You should get a Jackie O doll to help you collect yourself.

Just because she doesn't have sparkly butterfly wings around her eyes doesn't mean she isn't slathered with makeup. Not that I care, but come on, nobody's skin looks like that.

Bruce Jenner will be the newest witch character on American Horror Story. I'm getting chills.

If he shares the ice cream, maybe.