That’s true - I forget that he’s even in the race because those top three are just so prominent. He would obviously be the only responsible GOP choice, but really didn’t even have a chance. I think Trump would legit ruin our country and while I don’t have much bad to say about Cruz, I know I would want to throw up…

I'd like someone to give me $4,000 for services rendered in that I read 'The Corrections' over a four day period while stuck in a tiny house in the Bronx with nothing to read. Since years have passed, and I'd like to believe that I forgot a majority of the most noxious of passages, I'll pro-rate my fee to $2,800.…

I would totally read a version of a fake Franzen novel about vaginas and how they are like America!!!!!!! As long as Franzen didn’t write it, it would be awesome!!!

One of the hottest men I have ever known was one of the most boring people ever. He added nothing to the conversation. It was like God put all his work into constructing a gorgeous Greek God of a man and then was like “Welp, that’s all the time I have for this one!”

Internet “fame” is very confusing to me. I made an Instagram for my dog which I admit is really lame but I didn’t want to flood my regular Instagram with tons of dog posts. So now my dog has an Instagram and dogs that he follows and it’s funny because there are thirsty dogs just like there are thirsty people on…

Oh I’m not on the high road lol. There’s just certain kinds of gossip that make me roll me eyes a bit. Sometimes I love Ariana Grande licking a donut or Is Will Smith a Scientologist type gossip :)

This was on while I was getting dressed this morning and I had the thought of ‘what if it’s someone pretending to be him?’ while he was talking to Savannah.

Have you been attacked by the swans? Their swans are super-assholes. Every time my best friend and i go (ngl, mostly for rheo thompson and the toy store), the swans either chase her or yell at her; even if I’m standing beside her, they go for her.

Oh. My. Gawd.

I never left my house yesterday because a) DST bullshit made me sleepy, b) it was raining, c) wanted to finish watching House of Cards d) my dog was holding me hostage, e) all of the above.

It still kills me that he wrote a memoir in third person, presumably so he’d feel less embarrassed about complimenting himself.

It’s always so bizarre to me to see Padma on TV or the news. I went to high school with her- I was a freshman when she was a senior and we had the same theater class (she was going by Angelique at the time, I guess in an attempt to Americanize her name?). She was always kind- something unexpected for someone so…

I had no love for the Texas season, but I think the worst season of Top Chef was Season 2 where Marcel what physically assaulted. The people from that season were awful. They were all awful. Tom said he wanted to cancel the whole season, kick Ilan, Sam, Elia and Cliff all out and just have either Marcel be the…

I honestly LOVE that she does this shit lol. It’s so petty. Like, “yeah I know you want me to say some shit about my work or personal life so you can tear it apart so here are some nothing quotes about paintings instead. See you on tour bitches.” I really do love her style.

Case in point

He really does have a nice voice.

my conspiracy theory is the RNC put him up to this with the promise that they will never speak to him again after november

But even then, Tegan and Sara (who are lesbians, but not trans) aren’t identical twins. So their dna is no more similar than mine and my baby brother’s.

It's infuriating. It makes me physically ill. She also has a joint email account with her husband which also makes me ill haha.