Oh sweetheart. Time heals all wounds. Do you know about GT? There’s a nice community of people here ready and willing to support the heartbroken. Maybe you could get some solace there? http://groupthink.jezebel.com

I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to tell people you’re in witness protection. That’s like going into a bar and telling people you’re a spy.

Isn’t this the guy that molested his transgender niece? The guy that “nice guy” George Clooney punched out on the set of “Three Kings”? The guy that Lily Tomlin lost her shit at? WHY do people continue to make movies with him, and why do people continue to throw money at him to fund said movies?

I still watch it; it holds up, surprisingly well. I really miss Phil Hartman’s presence in the world.

Honestly, I now believe that someone misspeaks in a meeting, and everyone starts replicating nonsense and bad grammar, out of fear that they’ve somehow missed out on the dawn of some revolutionary new corp-speak. Boo boo memes. There’s no other explanation, other than the Rapture has taken place, and we’re all in some…

Twenty+ years of corporate retail. Midwestern corporate retail. Kill me now.

It’s the feel-Blart movie of the year.

that was brilliant. this line kills me “Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.” ahahah so casual, so much burn

I’ve said it before, and it’s worth saying again now: There is absolutely nothing that men can do or be — or neglect to do or be — no failing they can have, no emptiness they can embody, that Hollywood will not embrace as heroic.

One of my favorite pans ever was of the Whitney Houston-Kevin Costner movie, “The Bodyguard.” As I recall the reviewer opened by saying, “This movie wouldn’t have made any less sense if the two stars had switched roles.”

Actually he's gluten and dairy free based on the suggestion of our allergist (lactose intolerance is not an allergy and although gluten gives him a rash it's not hives and it's only in a specific location so also not technically an allergy). Thanks for playing though.

Auuugh, the continue button is not working for me so I can't show off -how big of a nerd I am- my ability to discern ren-faire dork from music-fest doofus. But really, it's all about the background and a distinct costume.

Ugh, just stop, OK? It is seriously not that big a deal for one person with allergies/intolerances/whatever to bring in their own food so they can be with the rest of their family, all of whom are paying customers and decent tippers. I'd much rather wait on a group like that than...well, most of the people I had to…

Oh my God, you may have literally just changed my life. For YEARS I have thought that I couldn't wear shorts, or skirts without tights/Spanx, because I have fat thighs and I would end up with just the most awful chafing. You have saved my summer, friend! Opened up a world of cute spring and summer outfits—and just in…

Jack Huston, who I had no idea was in this movie, is so underrated and gorgeous. I fell completely in love with him watching Boardwalk Empire. Richard Harrow is one of my favorite characters in the history of ever. Also, evidence of dreaminess:

Oh my God, I think we used to work somewhere for the same manager. Our general manager was a raging asshole in several ways you describe and never stood up to customers EVER, but his defining moment was when he came up behind me, grabbed the bottom of my shirt, and yanked it up above my breasts. His defense? HE didn't…

Lanacane anti-chafe, for life!!! ( or just rub some extra primer between your thighs)

We live in the area. We’ve had enough of Mary Kay LeTourneau to last a lifetime already.