Has a beard and lifts?

Good news! You’ll stop as soon as she leaves you.

Michael Brown kept walking towards the cop who was shooting him.

Like their braaaaaaaaains...

AND it’s dishwasher safe! But wait, there’s MORE! Call in the next 5 minutes, and you’ll not only get one Alternative Handgun Attachment, you won’t even get two, or even three! We’ll give you a whole box for FREE! Just pay shipping and handling.

This is one of those rare times when the US version is better. The UK version was great, but, Michael Scott!!!

Michael Scott: Look at those wrinkles! Blacks do crack! [to camera] Not crack the drug.

I am so creeped out right now.

Home, home on the raaaaange

This is number one joke in all Kazakhstan!

I felt people’s responses so far were pretty eye-opening to me. But you’re certainly right that the more complex things get, the more things can go wrong. Is that Newton or thermodynamics, or some third thing entirely? I can’t remember. Anywho, now I must ask, while things can more often seem to go wrong and glitch,…

Why are there so many glitches this gen?

Maybe the morons who believe that shit will start buying Natty G’s, if they haven’t before?

I couldn’t do it. If you think that makes me shallow, well, you can think that. I believe lots of people have preferences, and I think that’s okay. I’m no Bradley Cooper, not by a long shot. And I don’t think I deserve the Kate Uptons of the world. I just want to be with someone I’m physically attracted to, and I want…

I think it’s time we drop the Sapiens from our name and just go by Homo Gizmodus.

While I liked the end of House, I was convinced I knew how it would end. It should’ve ended my way.

Nope. But he is a superdick.

Costanza had it right. Buy enough underwear so that you only have to do laundry once a year.

Come to Canada. Our internet—

I can’t hear you over the sound of my fapping. Which, I know, doesn’t make sense, because I’m reading.