"Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full"

I am also a "The 3rd" and also have a lying, scheming criminal for a father. You have no idea how many times having the same name as that ass hat has caused me problems. Recently, after finding out that the best car loan he could get with his shitty credit was 24.99%, he decided to pretend to be me at the next…

It will be called "My girl left me for a girl."

"There shall be no eye contact in The Devil's Threeway."

I imagined it as a back and forth, in the style of "I Gotta Man" by Positive K.

Also known as, " Who knew Jimmy from Accounting had a 11" dong" panic.

Wasn't the the plot of Necessary Roughness?

My cat died quietly in his sleep last year. After crying like a bitch for an hour, I dug a hole, wrapped him in a blanket, put him in a box and buried him. This was my nightmare. What if he wasn't actually dead?

Can you believe this derpy bastard is the only thing standing between Bill, Brady and immortality?

This is one of my buddy's go to moves. He'll just whip it out and start going to town on himself in hopes that his wife will join in. He said her usual response is along the lines of "If you're going to do that, go in the bathroom. The shaking is keeping me awake."

I love the amount. 9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 surrounded by two 88s for Dez.

My 72 year old father in law is the same way with his Tundra. I once asked him if I could use it to tow a utility trailer I was borrowing (to do him a favor, btw) about 30 miles, round trip, and he went on and on about the strain on the truck and what a long trip it was and that he'd never used it to tow before, etc,…

I think he's in his late 60s.

My neighbor has a 2002 Ranger that is immaculate. He rarely drives it, keeps it in the garage (instead of his wife's brand new Nissan) and maintains it obsessively. Last winter when we were outside snowblowing after a blizzard, I told him Rangers make good little plow trucks, snd he almost had a stroke at the thought…

No, I think he's just a fucking moron.

I actually really liked the early morning game this year. Or course, I have kids that drag me out of bed by 8. 20 year old me would not have been a fan.

I saw them on tour over the summer. They were awesome. Metal concerts feature the most unique potpourri of fans you'll ever see. Middle aged moms and dads reliving their glory days, teenagers who stumbled upon Hairnation on Sirius and liked what the heard, the people who claim to be there because they're big fans of…

If there's one thing Goodell can do to get back in everyone's good graces, it would be throw the book at Belichick.

I've got to nominate the Goethals Bridge and Outerbridge Crossing connecting Staten Island to New Jersey. They are too narrow, too steep, and insanely expensive. I would rather go over the GWB into North Jersey than deal with either of these monstrosities. Avoiding Staten Island is a plus too.

Because he is the Head Coach, and a complete and utter control freak. If Bob Kraft takes a crap in his office, an intern lets Belichick know. NOTHING happens within the team that he doesn't know about and sign off on.