Dispatcher: Your car called in... It was saying you had been involved in an accident.

The other is Italian and will most likely lie for me.

This car better keep a tow truck company’s number in its memory — I’ve heard that snitches tend to wind up in ditches.

Yeah, #9 is a cutie. If you didn’t read her bio, she got picked up for vandalism after she tried to key ‘WHORE’ into her friend’s car — I say tried because she spelled it ‘WORE’. She was convinced that said friend was banging her boyfriend, so it sounds like maybe she’s single now-a-days.

I can’t unsee a capsized ship now!!

I had my head tilted back, chugging water out of a big bottle of water (like a fucking 7 year old) and I kept reading ISIL, too!

I assume we’re using the word ‘tight’ rather, ahem, loosely when referring to Bills’ fans?

That security guard! I haven’t seen a Steelers player sneak up on a woman like that since I was waiting in line for the bathroom at that bar in Milledgeville, Georgia back in 2010.

Hey, that man has multiple illegitimate children and mistresses to take care of! Not to mention his mistress-turned-girlfriend. Oh, and the family he just plain walked away from. He needs the money, dammit. Someone needs to pay for all of the familial shrapnel he’s left in his wake — who better than the taxpayers of…

You know why those guys transitioned to other positions? Because they weren’t very good quarterbacks... They were freakish athletes. Unless you have a HS quarterback who can really spin it, you take your world class athlete and let them run the spread zone read. It’s a practically unstoppable offense in HS —…

How is Art Briles and/or Baylor dirty...? I’m not a fan of either, I’m just a huge college football fan, but did I miss something here?

Why don’t you sit this one out? There are fans of bowl eligible teams talking, sweetheart.

This guy is a world class scum bag. He left Hoover in disgrace, partially because of a mistress and at least 1 child (most reports say 3), and reappeared at Colquitt Co because they were desperate to be a winner again. ESPN even did a piece on E:60 about his “redemption” story. If a school system is considering Rush…

For those who may not know, or don’t bother to check his Wikipedia page, Rush Propst was the coach at Hoover HS in Alabama when they were featured on MTV’s Two-A-Days. I’m sure you remember all of the biscuit-head haircut hijinks...

+1 (time each month)

Ball security... Shit. Put the damn ball away, high and tight.

Good thing he’s a tight end... and not a wide receiver!! AMIRITE?!

Dick Pound is a strong name. And I love even more that he’s a Briton. Because Dick Pound stands up on its own — but his (imaginary) American cousin’s name, Dick Dollar, makes me unreasonably happy.

“Please, call me Jake. Mr. Butt is my father.”

On second thought, Alfredo and Juan Ángel should have passed on the bribes paid in hotel loyalty points. Cash... Cash would have probably been better.