*reads this, angrily dribbles ball off foot*

Sounds about right. We're pretty unlikeable.

That happens sometimes with my cat.

“Now watch how I fall! If one of you threw something at me, I would fall to the side, right? But what would you think if I just fell straight down?”

The Elf on the Shelf remains the worst thing about Christmas.

“I’m just telling you boys, men excuse me, what I heard. Every last Arab AND Jewish fellow who worked near the Twin Towers happened to call in sick that morning. Now you guys can draw your own conclusions from that.”

“No, I mean it — just try to melt these steel lockers with jet fuel. I’ll be fine up here! You’ll see!”

He’s demonstrating how the thermite was placed.

His players offered to help him down, but Mr. Carroll passed.

It’s probably comcast, high speed internet my ass.

That's not how candy crush works.

Also UNC football going to the ACC Championship game too

“Man, I wonder what the odds were on this happening”

Charlotte’s only lost twice since Thanksgiving, to the Cavs and the Warriors (which is forgivable, since losing to them is like losing to gravity.)

SO are we just gonna ignore this?!

It’s called a Mike Drop, Patrick.

Next they’ll both be fined by Goodell for not fighting over Bose, the official headphone supplier of the NFL.

We are investigating the matter and will make a complete and total mess of it because we are no more skilled at investigations than the average Internet sleuth. We have no business mucking up actual criminal investigations, but research tells us that if we pretend to care people are less likely to withhold their…